Getting applause but not the job

So I interviewed for a music director position at a church a few years ago.  There were about seven people on the "committee" to decide my fate.  

I sat at the piano and sang one of my worship songs as part of the "audition."  When the song ended. they applauded.  I was shocked.  I wasn't expecting their response.  I didn't want that response.  In my mind, they missed the point.  

I wanted to lead them in worship of Jesus.  I did not want their applause.  I wanted their eyes on God, not on me or my talent.

And that, folks, about sums up my lifelong desire to serve God in His church and how it never turns out the way I think it should.

I've been told that God's anointing is strong on me when I sing.  I've been told this many times over for decades.  That simply means that His Presence fills the room when I sing to Him.  He comes in response to my heart of worship.  He picks and chooses whom He anoints.  I never asked for it.

Now you'd think that since we're supposed to be at church to worship God - and that when I sing/play He shows up - that my gifts would be wanted, desired, needed, and welcomed by the church.

That has not been my experience.

It's been a hard road to walk.  It makes no sense.

As for the committee who applauded me instead of worshiping God, needless to say, I didn't get the job.  Maybe they were into religion, rituals, and rites more than wanting God's Presence among them.  Maybe they were stuck in their ways.  Maybe they just did't get it!  Who knows?

So basically, living much of my life with nowhere to use my gifts has been, uh, frustrating, to say the least.

I write songs for the Body of Christ.  The Body of Christ meets in a church building.  Ergo, I - along with my songs and anointing - should be accepted into a church.

But either God had other plans, or the devil messed everything up, or maybe, just maybe, I will be wanted elsewhere.  Maybe, just maybe, I am putting God inside four walls when He wants to use me elsewhere.  Maybe there are more tares than wheat in most congregations and they hate my guts for daring to bring the real Jesus to them!

"Lord, why the neverending rejection from Your church?" I ask Him.
"I wasn't accepted by the religious ones, either" He replies.
"So where do I go to use the gifts You have given me?"
"Keep worshiping Me without a 'church job' and I will bring you exactly to where you are supposed to be.  Your mind can't fathom all the ways I am going to use you, so just be patient and don't make it about 'using your gifts' but about worshiping Me no matter what."
"Yes, Lord."    

I don't mean to put God in the "church box." I know He works beyond the four walls and one hour on Sundays.  Besides, according to polls I've read online, we won't be going back to "church as usual" post-pandemic anyway.  45% of churchgoers have no intention of returning to church, even when this pandemic ends.

So the "model" is shifting.  How, when, and where we worship is changing.

Now if you're really into the church scene, that news may be unsettling to you.  But I have a feeling we're all in for much more "unsettlling" stuff in the months and years ahead anyway.

So let's all be open to how, when, and where God wants to use us.  Let's remember that Jesus performed most of His miracles (all of them?) not in the Temple, but just going about His work for His Father in day-to-day life.  

That "excting adventure" that Christians are supposed to be living may actually turn out to be more of an adventure than we bargained for.  I say, bring it on!

Dear Lord.  You know the pain I've endured trying to "fit in" where I'm simply not wanted.  But I still trust You!  I believe in Your plans for my life, no matter what they look like and where they may lead.  After all, You are in charge, not a "church committee" (heaven forbid!) or anyone else.  Thank You for knowing what is best for me, Lord, and always looking out for me.  Thank You for being Sovereign.  Take me wherever You will, Lord, and I will follow.  In Jesus' Name.  Amen.