God's timing, God's refining

Waiting.  No one likes it.  I don't care how patient you are, waiting is a pain.  

As Christians, we are to wait on God.  We also wait for God.  We wait for Him to answer prayer and not take matters into our own hands (hopefully!).  We wait for Him to reveal truth to us about a situation, to give us His wisdom because we simply don't know the truth as He does.

I have been waiting on God for about ten years now to answer a very vital prayer in my life.  He has yet to budge.  Oh maybe a tad, but not completely in the way I expect Him to.

"You get what you expect."  No, you don't.  You can "claim" Scripture, believe in "manifesting" answers for yourself, but the truth is, when God is not doing something that only He can do, it ain't happening.

Now most would say I have a very strong faith.  And I do.  But when my unanswered prayers cause me pain, disappointment, and heartache, it's like a hammer and chisel taking a chink out of my faith.

This morning, in my time with the Lord, I asked Him point blank what His purpose is in all of this waiting.  He told me point blank, "Refinement." 

He is refining me.  And because I have already been through the Refiner's fire many times before, I thought maybe He would let up.  I was wrong.

Burning the dross.  Ouch.  

"But Lord, I will never be perfect this side of heaven anyway.  Can't You ease up a bit?!"

But then there would be no gold.  Not in my heart, life, testimony, or spirit.  If He gave up on me - which He never will - it would leave me with a bunch of dross still in my soul.  Perhaps a but more "comfortable," but still with dross.  

When a refiner burns away dross, the heat is incredibly hot.  2,010 degrees, to be exact.  I Googled it.  Just for fun.

No wonder this refining process hurts like hell!  

So how long will He be at this in my life, in this particular circumstance that I wish He would just make go away?  "Turn off the heat already, Lord!  Please!"

He will take exactly this much time:  however long it takes for the dross to be gone!

That doesn't mean I come out the other end perfect.  It means, as far as I can guess, that in that area in which there is still too much dross - that area will be as gold.  

In the meantime, how to live with the discomfort?  How to wake up every day without dread?  "Oh no.  More of the same.  Lord, I just want to be happy!"

"And I want you to be holy.  And wholly pure."

I can't make my soul shine like gold, be gold, or any of that stuff.  Only God can do that in me.  It will hurt.  But I can trust the Refiner to know exactly what He is doing.  Momentary light affliction, I keep telling myself.  Waiting for the next chapter that I am praying will ease up on the refining a bit.  No, make that a lot.

What if God never eases up on the heat?  Then I guess it is for my best.  I guess my dross is extra horrible!  I don't know!  We're all made of the same stuff - all sinners in need of a tremendous God Who offers tremendous grace.  So I lean into His grace and trust Him to end the refining in His perfect time.  Whether I "like" His timing or not matters not.  

Ok, so I'm not jumping for joy like Snoopy here in the pic.  But I refuse to run ahead of God or give up on Him.  Why not already?  Because I know that I know that I know that He loves me; that He wants the very best for me.  And though it hurts like hell, I want to come out shining like gold for Him.

Oh Lord.  Help me learn what it is You want to teach me in this fire.  Help me trust You in the pain.  Help me honor You even though all of it seems so pointless.  For You are a good God.  You are my loving Heavenly Father.  And You know exactly what You are doing!  Bring me out of this mess shining like gold, Lord.  For Your glory.  In Jesus' Name.  Amen.