Waxing and waning faith

My faith isn't perfect.  The perfectionist in me hates that.  After all, I have already been through so many trials, tests, and tribulations - all either caused or allowed by my Lord - that I was hoping my faith would be perfected by now.  To never doubt.  To never waver.

But I'm just not there yet.  I feel like I was there before.  Before the hits just kept on coming, with no end in sight.

See, I thought I would be in a season of plenty by now.

Now don't get me wrong.  I want for nothing, really.  I am very grateful for all the Lord has given me.

By season of plenty, I mean more a season of fruition.  Where the heck is all the fruit from all of the former seasons of "threshing," "raking," "plowing" - you get the gardening metaphors already?  

I don't see the fruit with my eyes yet. 

And I don't always sense the spiritual fruit in myself, either.  Especially when I doubt.

What's a girl to do?

Is it possible to regress in our faith?  But I so want to move forward!  What is God trying to teach me in this season of waiting and unanswered prayer?  

The obvious answer is patience.  Perseverance.  Yeah, yeah.  But who has time to wait?!  Ha ha.

God is never in a rush.  You've probably heard that before.

And though God is totally compassionate, He knows exactly how long to let us suffer in a situation before either delivering us, or changing the situation.

God let us suffer?  Yep.  

He did it to Job.  Why not us?

We are a pampered society, in general.  We are comfortable.  The recliners built in to the sofas and the 400" TVs are proof of that.  

So when God does take us through a season, or several seasons, of discomfort, how do we keep on trusting Him to do what's best for us?

I am a cancer survivor.  I endured chemo hell.  And I am grateful to be "cured" by it.  There was a recommended, proven dosage that I was to receive.  Did it take longer than I wanted?  What do you think?  

So if a doctor can assess what the cure is, and what is best for the patient - NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES AND HOW PAINFUL IT IS - then how much more our all-wise Heavenly Father when he "doses out" our suffering circumstances?

Some days, there is comfort in that truth.  Other days, not so much.  I just want relief.  I don't want to "lose my hair," or have "zero energy."  I just want it to be over.

How to stop thinking about the "side effects" of life?  How to dwell instead on God's wonderful promises to me?  I decide.  

I choose to take my eyes off whatever is the source of my pain and instead choose to trust "the doctor."  

I was willing to go through whatever it took to get the rotten cancer out of my body.

So I must be willing for Jesus to take me through whatever it takes to get whatever He is trying to get out of me, out of me!

I must remind myself that I am not to put my faith in an outcome, but rather to keep my faith in Jesus - the Person of Christ.  

We all have struggles in life.  I pray we can all learn to keep our faith not only intact, but growing through each and every one of them.  However lengthy they are.

I also believe with all that is in me that it will all be worth it.  But for now, we can choose to not just "focus on the good," but focus on the good One.  

Dear Lord.  Help!  Help me keep looking to You more and more as I praise You, read Your Word, look to Your promises, and simply trust You no matter what.  Help me choose praising You as my response to my struggles and not complaining.  For You are always worthy of praise, Lord.  Let me see everything through Your eyes.  In Jesus' Name.  Amen.